Ahead of the Class by: Tamara Cherise

I would like to introduce today's guest writer - Tamara Cherise. I thank her so much for the information she has provided. Please read below:

WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY PLAGUED BY SOCIAL MEDIA, STIGMAS AND MAKE BELIEVE. PEOPLE SEEM TO BE AFRAID TO DO SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING. WHEN THE NEWS SAID THAT CHILDHOOD OBESITY WAS A PROBLEM WE STARTED LOOKING FOR SOLUTIONS AND LOOKING AT OUR CHILDREN AND THEIR ROUTINES. WHEN REALITY T.V SHOWS BECAME ALL THAT’S ON T.V. (LOL) WE STARTED COMPARING OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND MATERIAL POSSESSIONS TO THE HOUSEWIFE THAT WE COMPARED OURSELVES TO. EVER WONDER WHY MENTAL HEALTH IS NOT TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS? IT IS ONLY MENTIONED AT THE COLLEGE LEVEL IF YOU ARE TAKING COURSES IN PUBLIC HEALTH OR PSYCHOLOGY.THE MAJORITY OFTHE POPULATION IS AFFECTED BY MENTAL ILLNESS. TWENTY FIVE PERCENT OFINDIVIDUALS SHOW VARIOUS MENTAL HEALTH SYMPTOMS AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES, DIAGNOSED OR NOT. EVERYDAY, I SEE CLIENTS WHO STARTED EXHIBITING SYMPTOMS ASCHILDREN BUT WERE NOT TREATED OR DIAGNOSED UNTIL THERE ILLNESS BECAME OUT OFCONTROL. LIFE CAN BE STRESSFUL AND AT TIMES ADULTS HAVE DIFFICULTY SO CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT CHILDREN GO THROUGH. ALTHOUGH CHILDREN ARE RESILIENT, MANY LIVESCOULD BE POTENTIALLY CHANGED IF YOUNG PEOPLE BEGAN TO LEARN EARLY SIGNS ANDSYMPTOMS.

WE CAN NOT WAIT FOR SOMEONE WITH A PLATFORM TO BRING AWARENESS TO A CRITICAL EPIDEMIC. WE HAVE TO BE PROACTIVE, ASK QUESTIONS AND EDUCATE OURSELVES ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH.TAKE YOUR CHILDREN TO ANNUAL PHYSICALS AND DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR TEACHERS SO THAT IF SOMETHING CHANGES IN THEIR BEHAVIOR OR MOOD, EVERYONE CAN WORKTOGETHER. THIS IS HOW YOU CAN STAY AHEAD OF THE CLASS!

Tamara Cherise Bio
TAMARACHERISE-AUTHOR, EDUCATOR, LIFE COACH, MENTOR. C.E.O OF TRUST YOUR STRUGGLE, ACOACHING AND EMPOWERING MOVEMENT. ALSO,THE FOUNDER OF THE T.Y.S. FOUNDATION,INC. CREATED TO ASSIST SINGLE MOTHERS WITH HARDSHIPS IN THE COMMUNITY. A NATIVEOF BUFFALO, N.Y. TAMARA ACHIEVED A B.A. OF PSYCHOLOGY AND A M.A. IN MENTALHEALTH COUNSELING.
WWW.TRUSTYOU21.ORG

Coping with Cancer

This month is breast cancer awareness month. Although I did not have breast cancer, I am a cancer survivor. 

Cancer is defined as a disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in part of the body. Or a malignant growth or tumor resulting from the division of abnormal cells. 

Cancer has affected many of our families whether its breast, lung, colon or kidney cancer. We all know someone who has been affected in some sort of way by cancer. When cancer is caught in the early stages, there are many ways to remove cancer through chemotherapy, radiation or surgery.  That is why it is so important to get regular doctor check-ups to keep up on your health. 

Coping with cancer can be hard on you and your family and friends. Your life changes as well as everyone's life around you. This can be a difficult time for everyone. I remember when I was diagnosed with colon cancer, all I could think of was death. We associate the word cancer with death. We never think about surviving. It is a scary feeling and a lot of support is needed. Being diagnosed with cancer took a toll on me and my family. A lot of things in our lives changed. I was unable to work, I had low energy and was unable to do all the things I was use to and my family and friends had to pitch in more.  Life took on a different direction for me. 

Coping with cancer as a patient

1.  Learn your cancer.  Talk to your doctors, research your cancer and learn the facts. Learn the type of cancer, what stage you are in, possible treatments, surgeries and the side effects. 

2. Ask questions. Ask questions and keep the lines of communication open between you and your doctor, as well as you and your family.  Do not keep anything away from your doctor. Let your doctor know everything that's bothering you and all your symptoms.

3.  Physical changes. Anticipate possible physical changes, such as weight loss, weight gain, loss of hair and etc.   Prepare yourself and your family for these changes. 

4.  Healthy lifestyle. Maintain a healthy lifestyle to improve your energy and immune system.  It is important to stay healthy during this time and beyond. 

5. Help.  Let your friends and family help you out. You are not going to be able to do it all because your energy level may be very low. Ask a family member to cook dinner one night or ask a friend to take you to your doctor appointments. 

6.  Support groups. Talk to other people who are going through the same thing you are. Most doctor offices offer support groups. It may help to talk to others. 

Develop your own coping strategies. Relax, take time out for yourself, pray and take it one day at a time. 

Supporting a loved one with cancer

1. Be there.  Being there for a loved one who is battling cancer is important. When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer, there is a lot of emotion associated with it. Your loved one will need your shoulder to cry on. 

2. Listen. Listen to your loved ones concerns, thoughts, feelings and worries. Be positive and sensitive towards their situation. Let them know that you are there for them. 

3.  Be helpful.  Whether it is cooking dinner, taking them to their doctor appointments or cleaning their home, these are all helpful. Cancer patients normally have low energy and it is hard to do normal everyday things. Having helping hand is very helpful.

4.  Encourage. Encourage your loved ones with positivity. Encourage them to join a support group to connect with others that understand what they are going through. You can help your loved ones as much as possible but if you do not understand what they are going through it may be hard. 

5.  Space. Know when to give your loved one space. Always let them know that you are there for them and available, but do not smother them. Cancer and chemotherapy can change a persons mood and attitude. Sometimes your loved ones just need their space. 

6.  Expect to be exhausted. Supporting a loved one with cancer can be exhausting. There will be emotional highs and lows. So be prepared!

Helping Children Cope with Death...

Earlier this month my hometown was devastated by the murder of a 13 year old and the murder of two young mothers. We are all angry, outraged, mad and disgusted from hearing of these deaths. Death is hard enough to understand, but trying to explain to a child what happened to their friend or their parent is even harder. I decided to give some tips on how to discuss death with children in terms where they can understand.

When death hit my home, all I could do was tell my son that his father went to heaven. I did not know what else to say. I let my son attend his father's funeral and let him know that this would be the last time he would see him in the physical form, but his dad will always watch over him. My daughter was 5 months at the time and was unable to understand. But as she gets older I take her to the gravesite and explain to her that her father is here and will always be her angel.

One thing that I noticed is children are able to adapt better to death then adults. Children do not realize the changes that will occur. But children are smart and they know that there is something different and they feel the loss. Children of different ages deal with and understand death in different ways. A preschooler will not understand death, as well as a 10 year old. We must explain to children about death in terms that they will understand.

Here are some tips to help you explain death to a child or children:

1. Religious: Seek God or your higher being for understanding. Teach your child how to pray and rely on the spiritual word for guidance.

2. Be honest: Tell the truth about what happened. Explain to the child about death and how final it is. Do not hide information unless the details are inappropriate for the child. Explain to the child in terms that they would understand (by age).

3. Emotions: Let the child know that it is ok to show their emotions. It is ok to cry, scream, show anger and etc. Do not hide your emotions, show the child how you are feeling because this shows the child that it is ok to express their hurt, anger and feelings.

4. Ask questions: Encourage the child to talk and ask questions. Clear up any confusion that the child may have about death. Find out what the child feels and thinks and correct any misinformation or misconceptions. It is important that they understand and accept what is happening.

5. Pace of the child: It is important to let the child reveal their feelings at their own pace. Do not push them to express their feelings. Just be available when the child is ready to talk, ask questions or just cry.

6. Childrens expressions: Allow the child to express their emotions in a journal, art work, dance, or outdoor activities. Let them know that it is not healthy to hold their emotions in and they can express their emotions in different ways.

7. More conversations: Have more than one conversation with the child. Over the years the child will have more questions and a different outlook on what has happened.

8. Outside support: Enlist support from outside such as school counselors, bereavement coaches or counselors and friends and family members. Make sure the child does not get depressed or down and out. If it something you are unable to handle, please seek professional help.

These are the things I used and are still using to help me with my children. I am blessed to still have both of my parents living so I do not know how my children feel. But I will help them get through this process, which will be a life long struggle. Children may not understand why this is happening and we as adults do not understand as well. But it is up to us to make our children feel comfortable.

Tanisha xoxo

Living Life to the Fullest!!!

There has been a lot of death in my life and it has taught me one thing, to live my life to the fullest. As I traveled on the road yesterday and took in the scenery, I realized that life is precious and we should live our lives to the fullest. Even though I had been trying to live my life to the fullest, lately I have been struggling with letting things go. Some days I am totally motivated and other days I have a lot on my mind or I find myself holding a lot of things in. I have always been the type to hold things in and let things build up until I explode and lash out. I lash out because I've been hurt several times by a person or a situation and it builds up and eats at me. Not good! Not healthy! I have been in the process of changing my mindset, renewing myself, stop letting things bother me and live my life to the fullest. It is a process and an everyday struggle, but once I begun to follow these steps, I begun to live,laugh and love.

1. Pray and/or meditate: Take some quiet time for you to pray, meditate and read the word. .Embrace the moment and appreciate your life. Have faith thatt hings will work out in your favor. Thank God for everything in your life.

2. Seize the day: Forget about yesterday and stop stressing about tomorrow. Live for the day. Enjoy the moment, seize the day and thank God for the day.

3. Set goals: Whether you are setting daily, weekly or yearly goals, goals help you focus on your dreams and things you would like to achieve. It gives you hope and something to look forward to. Once you complete one goal, reward yourself and move forward with the next goal.

4. Accept everyone: We have to learn that we cannot change anyone. It is up to that person to change. We have to learn to accept a person for who they are.That doesn't mean we have to be bothered with that person, but learning to accept the things and people we cannot change will help you live your life much smoother.

5. Keep a journal: Write down the things that bother you or stress you out. Or write down your daily feelings. Having a journal will help you relieve some feelings. Within a year, look back and read your journal. See how much of a progress you have made.

6. Accept death: One thing as humans that we do not seem to accept is death. Death is a part of life whether it’s sudden or long term. Death is going to happen whether we accept it or not. We have to learn to accept the things that we cannot change or have no control over. But this is easier said than done. Death is hard, but we have to learn to embrace change.

7. Find purpose in life: Find something in your life that gives it meaning. Finding your purpose in life, whether it is a job, dedicating your life to your family or etc., will help you live life better. It gives you something to look forward to. It motivates you on a daily basis.

8. Be positive/Stop thinking negative: Focus on good thoughts and good things in your life. Once you change your negative mindset, positive things will happen. Find and resolve the cause of all your negative thoughts. Always look at the positive side to any situation. Do not worry about the things that you cannot change.

9. Forgive yourself and others: Get rid of past negative energy. In order to move forward with your life you must first forgive the things in your life that you have not forgiving yourself for. Once you learn to forgive, you will be free of all negative holds on your life. Second, forgive others but do not forget. Do not allow others to rent space in your mind. Forgive and move on with your life.

10. Appreciate everything/do not take anything for granted: Appreciate everything and everyone. Appreciate all the little things that life has to offer. Do not take your life, friends or family for granted. Take a ride or a walk and take in all the scenery, enjoy the little things that life has to offer.

11. Follow your dreams/don't give up: You are never too old to follow your dreams. Open that business you always wanted, write that book or do something you always wanted to do. If you do not succeed the first time, try again but do not give up on your dreams.

12. Love yourself/Be You!: Love yourself always. Accept yourself for who you are and do not change to be like others or to fit in. Do not worry about what others have or what others think or feel about you. Love who you are. Embrace who you are. Love yourself first before you can love others.

13. Enjoy life and be happy: Nobody is happy all the time, but some people are happier then others. Enjoying life and being happy all comes down to your outlook on life. Material items do not play a part in true happiness, it is your inner being.


Living life to the fullest for some people mean traveling, partying, enjoying the finer things in life. Living life to the fullest for others mean a peace of mind or being at peace. However you live life to the fullest, make sure you are living life in a positive, healthy way. Life is what you make it!!!

Are you living your life to the fullest??

Tanisha xoxo